Monday, October 27, 2014

Isolation as a Mom

Being a mom can be a very isolating experience.  All moms are busy whether they work or not.  Moms who work go to their job every day and as soon as they get off they have to care for their family.  Moms who stay home deal with family issues all day long, take care of the house and are constantly on the go as well.  I don't think that we really mean to isolate ourselves; it just happens.

When you're a mom of a child who is 'different', in my experience, you isolate yourself even more.  It has nothing to do with being embarrassed or ashamed of your child.  It can be because you can be unsure how your child will react in a situation, or they can not tolerate a certain thing for long.  For me those were issues, as well as the sheer effort it takes to get out of the house.

To get out of the house, we have to start preparing at least an hour before.  C-note has gotten to the point where he can dress himself, but at times pant snaps are tricky.  Today, they were on completely backwards and he refused to fix it.

Bumblebee has to have clothes ready for him and reminded to put each article on.  He's always allowed to try himself, but we always have to turn around some garment.  Underwear is always backwards.  But at least he's getting real clothes on, there is a battle every time we leave the house because he doesn't want to get out of the Bumblebee transformer costume.  For him, shoes are always a 20 minute ordeal, I've timed it and so I know how to prepare for an outing.  And they aren't going to stay on very long even after we leave the house.

Lil' Bit is the easiest even though she is a prima donna.  She knows what she wants to wear all the way down to her socks and shoes.  Yes, she's 2.5 yrs old but she knows her own mind.  I choose my battles, though if I say she's going to wear the dress to church not pants, then she will listen...eventually.

These things can really wear a person out.  I'm exhausted all of the time and my nerves are constantly frayed.  Playdates don't happen.  Most people, unless they also have a child that also have neurological issues don't understand.  They will stop asking you over, I don't think it's on purpose, but since they don't understand your child.  People avoid things they can't understand.  Other people who have kids that are special like yours find it just as difficult to leave the house and would rather you visit them.

My boys need controlled environments, which isn't always possible.  We frequently stay home for my sanity.  Yet, I find myself depressed because I don't have any friends that I can call and hang out with.  My children didn't create this isolation though.  I did.

Things get a little easier every 6 months or so and maybe I will find another mom who is willing to accept that we are a different kind of family.  My kids are with me 24/7 because it helps them thrive is a world that's overwhelming to them.  I don't want to hear how 'not normal' my boys are; I already know.

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