Tips for Traveling with an Aspergers Child

Traveling for an ASD child can be difficult; but it doesn’t have to be.  I just returned from a month long trip.  Two weeks I traveled with all of my children and two weeks without.  While am not an expert on traveling with ASD children, I do make at least 3, 1 week+ trips per year with one.  My sons travel needs are different than my other children.  These are some tried and true tips that I’ve used over the years:

Traveling TOGETHER:

1.       Don’t talk about the trip until 2-3 days before leaving.  If you start talking about it earlier, anxiety and worry has time to build.

2.      Let him help in planning.  This means to let him pack some of his favorite things (books, mind games, lovie, ect.) or letting him suggest activities when you arrive (make sure to follow through).  This will give him a sense of control and gives something to look forward to.

3.      Make a daily plan, and STICK with it.  It can be tough to do this.  I’m actually terrible about it.  This doesn’t mean to plan out every hour of every day.  This means that you TELL your child “we will do X, Y and Z today”.  Tell him how long you plan to stay at each thing, or what time you need to arrive/leave.  

4.      Pack things for mental retreats.  It is likely that your child will have times that he needs to retreat from the activities and simply exist quietly for a time.  Buy a new fact book, coloring book, or a maze book.  Whatever makes your child feel rested and at peace, even if it’s a blanket he can hide under. 

5.      Remember to plan ‘down time’.  This really goes along with #3, but it’s extremely important.  No child can go all day without becoming tired, and being tired and in a strange place is a recipe for disaster for an ASD child. 

6.      Know your child.  If your child can’t take loud noises, don’t take him to a drag race.  If you think he would enjoy it, make sure to take the strongest ear protection you can find.  You might have to miss things you would enjoy, but really, how much will you enjoy it if your child is miserable and crying/screaming.

Leaving you child with a CAREGIVER:

1.       Don’t leave them with just anyone.  Your child has special needs.  Not everyone will understand this.  Make sure the person that you are leaving your child with understands his differences and is willing to be patient.  Outline the things he needs to feel safe and happy.

2.      Make it close to home.  This isn’t always possible.  The more familiar the location, the more relaxed he’ll be.

3.      Help him settle.  Try and stay with him at the new location for at least 2 days before you leave.  Trust me it helps.

4.      Take plenty of familiar activities.  This is not the time to learn new skills.  Take things that you know he’s comfortable with.

5.      Take a lovie or blanket.  Even if your child isn’t attached to something, chances are he will be when you return (it happened to me).

6.      Explain.  You know that things aren’t going to go like they do at home, but does your child?  Make sure he understands that different homes mean different rules and that is ok.  He might be allowed more of a certain type of food, or activity, this is no cause for alarm.  If you know something specific that will be different, make sure you tell your child.

7.      Relax.  The more relaxed you are, the more relaxed your child will be.  Prepare as much as you can and expect the best outcome.  You and your child will be much happier.

My Family is Different, So What.

I have been asked many times recently if it upsets or bothers me that C-note has High Functioning Autism and/or Sensory Processing Disorder.  I know that some moms may feel this way, but I never have.  Have I been upset by some of the behavior it causes?  Yes, but that's because I couldn't understand WHY he was doing the things he does.  I actually find having a diagnosis was very helpful.

Why do I feel this way?  Society says you can't be different.  But that can't be further from the truth.  As I tell my kids, if we were all the same in our thoughts and deeds then nothing would ever change.  We would never see any reason to improve ourselves, what would be the point?  We would not have diverse inventions, because we would only need one thing to suit all needs.  And lets face it, life would be extremely boring.

Getting a diagnosis didn't change my son.  He is still the same child that he was even the day before.  The difference is that I know can understand him better, and help him understand himself.  Think about that for a minute....Do you really understand what that means?  He is just the way he needs to be and he will look at things in ways a 'normal' person wouldn't.  He asks questions that often leave me stumped due to their complexity and depth.  He will learn to problem solve to a much greater extent than many of his peers because he has to learn ways of adapting to the world around him.

Bumblebee is another wonder.  We're still trying to figure him out.  While C-note will not deviate from a given rule, Bumblebee will reinterpret the rules to suit him.  He is what many would call sly.  He will follow the rules  but bend them in a way that isn't really breaking them.  When you point this out, he gives his best baby blue eye smile.  His smile can melt the coldest of hearts and he has a personality to match.  The world is his oyster.  If something confuses him, he just changes the subject and ignores the trouble.  This makes him a very happy person, until he can't avoid the problem anymore.  When he's run out of evasion tactics Bumblebee panics and melts.  We're working on this, but he's 4.5yrs old.  He'll get there.

To ask me if it bothers me that my children are different, or not like their peers is crazy and a bit offensive.  I wonder if it bothers them that their kids were born boys or girls?  It's the same thing. They are all unique and special.  We all have quirks, some people simply have more quirks than others.

Experiences in Sensory Processing Disorder

Every child is different.  Every child will react differently in any situation.  C-note has sensory processing disorder.  Does this mean that there is something 'wrong' with him? no.  It simply means that his brain processes sensations differently than most people.  In his case, everything is bigger, louder and more intense.  We always knew that something was unusual in him, even as an infant, he couldn't tolerate being touched and we had to hold him away from our bodies to calm him.  At 7yrs he still struggles with the loudness of the vacuum cleaner and has to be in a different room.

Eating is also a struggle.  C-note doesn't like starches, including rice, pasta, potatoes; gags on root vegetables; anything green; any rough textured fruit, like apples and pears; and he does not like sauces on is food.  So, basically, he likes very plain, and smooth food that has little to no color.  We avoided taking him out to restaurants until he was about 4.5yrs old because we never knew when it would end up with screaming, crying  or even throwing up on the tables.

Over time, and a lot of trial and error, we have found that there are things that C-note simply can not handle, and we don't push those things on him.  There are things though, that he does not have as great of an aversion, so we slowly integrate them.  Just earlier this year he would melt over a carrot on his plate, now he is able to eat one at meal time.  He also changed his mind about Ranch dressing, which is now the only way to get him to eat a veggie.

C-note went to a private kindergarten.  He learned a terrific amount of information, but he was constantly in sensory overload.  When a child with SPD is in overload they can act out or act erratically.  This is what C-note did.  His teacher insisted that he had ADHD because he couldn't stop fidgeting, he would randomly walk out of the room, he would get loud and produce large uncontrolled motions.  I would get condemning letters home weekly.  I met or spoke with the teacher several times a week about helping him, but was only met with resistance.  Because his overload looks like ADHD, then in her mind, he should be able to control himself.

C-note homeschools now and we introduce new experiences and tastes slowly.  He has good days and bad days; but so does everyone else.  He is also learning to recognize and express his feeling about things better.  He is also getting better about removing himself from a stressor.

The reason for the Insanity

My life is always in complete chaos.  I'll start with my kids.

My oldest son has High Functioning Autism and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD).  He sees the world in black and white, there is no middle ground.  The SPD makes things even more rigid for him and is a whole topic on it's own.  His memory astounds me and will talk about things that happened when he was 2 yrs old.  He thinks math is fun and was able to start algebra at 6 yrs old.  I call him C-note because, he marches to music that is all his own and it is a very beautiful song.

My middle son, also marches to the bet of his own drum.  Currently he lives as Bumblebee, the Transformer.  When he is in costume, which is ALL the time, he will not answer to his real name.  He has major trouble sleeping, and learning new things.  He also has ADHD, and as I am typing is showing me all of the flips and moves that Bumblebee can do off of the couch; yes, he talks about himself in the 3rd person.

My youngest, Lil' Bit, is currently 2.5yrs old going on 20yrs.  She really tries to rule things and I'm constantly reminding her that while she may be the princess, I am the Queen.  She tells the boys what to do and they listen!  She's loves bows in her hair and if it's pink then it MUST be hers.  But, if you want to wrestle, count her in, because there's no way that she's not as strong as the boys.

My husband is undiagnosed Aspergers, and is just like the character Sheldon on the Big Bang Theory.  Never play monopoly with him, because he likes to write contracts and it all gets very complicated.  

The dog, Athena, is a black blab/blue heeler mix.  She has seperation anxiety is terrified of loud noises.  She is also never allowed outside while anyone is on the trampoline because she will either go underneath and nip at feet, or go on top and tackle the jumpers.  She does make me smile though and even though she's 43lbs. thinks that she's a lap dog.

I homeschool my boys because the schools simply aren't able to handle their individualism.  We tried private school, it didn't go well.  I am also a co-director of children's ministries at my church.  And we are also involved in several other activities throughout the week.  Life is complicated and chaotic.  I end most days completely exhausted but unable to sleep because I'm thinking about the next day.